Why does doing the right thing have to hurt so much?

The fallout from my letter I had been dreading has occurred, my parents know.  I’m sorry Mom and Dad, I didn’t mean to hurt you but I had to do this.


9 Responses to “Why does doing the right thing have to hurt so much?”

  1. Hey Nathan, this is Ryan from ESS/UAAA. I totally support what you did. I never formally withdrew from Roman Catholicism (I don’t think they keep lists of members), and I haven’t bothered telling half of my family (they sort of live in another country), but those that I did didn’t care. It’s terrible that religion has the power to drive those wedges between those who leave it from family members, but you were brave enough to risk it for what you believed in, and you know you have the support of the rest of the godless community.

  2. Oh Nathan… I’m so sorry that you have to go through this. The most I’ve had to deal with is my mother disdainfully calling it a “lifestyle choice” and complaining that I talk about it on the radio where “other people” can hear. And she doesn’t even go to church. I have no idea how hard this must be for you.

    Stay strong, honey. We’re here for you.

  3. Richard Davison Says:

    Hey, Nathan. It is nice to see your keeping up with life after Dell! Regarding this video, it is terrible how religious differences between family members can tear families apart like this. I would suggest, however, that you (at least at the time of recording this) don’t really know what your parents’ motivations are. I believe (although I don’t know) they honestly believe in God and in judgement, and because of your belief that said God does not exist they are concerned that you will not be with them in the afterlife.

    I am a Christian, although not a Mormon. As far as what happened in California, democracy means that the majority rule: the majority (albeit a small one) support or do not support same-sex marriage, so that stance is accepted democratically. This does not preclude people from speaking against it; in fact, as you implied with your last comment about people making a stand for waht is right, it is a requirement for and a right within democracy that people speak against things they don’t agree with. This goes for the Mormon church, also, whether you agree with them or not. (For the record, I agree with you that people should be allowed to live how they wish to live. My personal beliefs do not enter into the discussion, as far as I’m concerned.)

    With regards to what you said about God driving wedges between families, it isn’t that God is driving those wedges. You have different beliefs from your parents. God is not forcing your beliefs on you, nor their beliefs on them. The Christian faith/Mormon church/Council of Nicaea does promote a set of beliefs regarding salvation, atheism, homosexuality, etc ad nauseum and some organizations can be incredibly tyrannical about their membership adopting those beliefs, but the Mormon church is not forcing you into your atheist beliefs nor, when it comes down to it, your family into their beliefs. These entities/organizations are not creating the rift between you and your family. You and your family are responsible for that rift.

    The awesome thing about that is that this means you can take responsibility to heal the rift. Regardless of how my message comes across, please understand that I have nothing but hope that you and your family can heal the rift. Your parents do love you (that is obvious) regardless of where you place your faith. Eventually, I am certain, both parties will come to accept that each of you is entitled to live your lives and you can all co-exist even though your beliefs do not match. Have faith in that.

    All the best for the holidays,

  4. This whole “democracy is a majority” thing is bullshit. “The majority” thought that women were not legal persons and had neither rights to own property or vote. “The Majority” thought that owning people was okay if their skin was darker than yours, and even when we decided we shouldn’t own them, we still didn’t give them the right to vote, drink from public fountains or sit at the front of the bus. “The Majority” also sat back and let Hitler walk millions of Jews, gays and Gypsies to the gas chambers.

    Just because more than half of the population believes something is right, doesn’t at all mean that it is.

  5. Well said, Evilyne.
    Nathan, you know there are plenty of us at the SEA and ESS ready to lend an ear if you need it.

  6. Stay strong buddy. I promise to help keep you distracted with lots of marathon nights, projects, events, or whatever it takes to get your mind off of things!

  7. Richard Davison Says:

    Well put, Evilyne. My apologies; I did not mean to imply that the majority is always right. As you have eloquently pointed out, that is so often incorrect that one could be forgiven for questioning the strength of democracy. The point I was making was that in a democracy, the decision made by the majority (okay, voting majority) is the decision which is implemented. Until new information (or another chance to vote) comes along.

    I would also argue that slavery, suffrage, fascism and myriad other societal wrongs were not so much the result of majority as much as they were the result of apathy or the sense of “that’s how it has always been”. But I’ve taken more than enough space. Nathan, thanks for giving us another place to have meaningful discussion. All the best with your family. Just remember how much you love them, regardless of their twisted religious views. 🙂


  8. Nathan,

    Just watched this. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. It makes me so angry that the stupid Church has to have it’s us and them mentality and it’s ridiculous segregated afterlife beliefs. Because it is so hurtful on a such a personal level. Hang in there, I’m proud of your integrity.

  9. I appreciate the support I’ve been receiving, all of you.

    Thanks again, this week has been difficult and it is made easier knowing that I am not alone.

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